Sunday, December 27, 2009

A Gift From the Father

Anyone who knows me well, knows it does not take much to bring to me to my knees.  So, any form of rebuke, discipline, or challenge, I take seriously and with much prayer (sometimes fasting).  Due to a series of events leading up to Christmas, I found myself on my knees once again.  The Lord took a few things from me (I don't know whether permanent or temporary), which left me feeling empty.  I kept asking the Lord, "how empty do you want me to go?  If I need to be completely empty with nothing but you, I'm here."  All I wanted at that time was to curl up in Christ's lap, and weep.  I repented for sin after sin, and asked God to not allow my sins have any serious consequences.  While caring for my children, and doing simple housework throughout the day, I found myself lamenting in song around the house.  Imagine that!  I've never done that before.  Of course, I had to chuckle about it.  What if my "laments" became popular like so many other worship songs?  I honestly laughed it off.  After my kids were in bed, I began to journal on my computer what my mind and my soul were going through.  As I was typing (accompanied by weeping), I started lamenting in song again.  This time, only words.  OK.  Now that I had words, what about melody?  Suddenly, I heard the Lord say, "Use your first song."

Only God, my husband, and I know about my "first song."  The first song I ever wrote was when I was a senior in high school when I was not following Christ.  I simply wrote a short 10-measure song experimenting with a minor key signature, a 3/4 time signature, note intervals, and measure ties.  That was about 20 years ago, and never intended to be shared.  I've always wanted to do something with it, but I could never find the words.  For years, I told my husband that the song sounds like it's a lament, and any words in it should reflect its style.  When the Lord asked me to use "my first song," I was floored that the words actually fit the melody.  It wasn't precise but it was pretty close.  I only changed two or three words to make the melody fit better, but the message of my heart remained the same.  Needless to say, I was weeping big time by this point.  All this time, and NOW my first ever song has words.  To add to the tenderness of the moment, I thanked God for taking something old, and making it new again.  Then, I heard the Lord say, "This is what I want to do with you," and I saw an image of a beautiful gold plated music box covered with dust.  God is blowing the dust off!!!  I wept even more, praising Him profusely.  Lord, what do you have planned?????

In this tender moment with my Savior, I don't know what God will do with it later.  Is it a simple lesson to show me He never forgot that short seemingly insignificant song from so long ago, or does He have a bigger plan with the music that flows out of my heart for Him?  I'm still praying for clarity.  In the meantime, I still think it's so cool that God took something I crafted such a long time ago, and created something brand new out of it.  I love this gift.  Not many gifts make me cry with joy.  Thank you, Lord!!!  You know how to give the best gifts!!

Knowing Christ is truly the greatest gift of all, the Lord still likes giving us gifts unique to our relationship with him.  For me at this moment, it was a song.  Do you have a story of a unique gift the Lord gave you?

No comments:

Post a Comment